Is cheating forgivable?

Cheating, for most of us, is the worst thing that can happen to our relationship. But can relationships recover from it?

What’s the context of “forgiveness” in a relationship?

A cheating partner is something that we wish we never come across in our lives. We fear and hate the thought of ever catching our partner red-handed. Still, a high number of good relationships have ended due to one or both partners cheating. The reasons can be many, and are quite common among couples. However, today we’ll be focusing on whether cheating can be forgivable, and whether people can look in their partner’s eyes in the same way as they did before.

Before we move on to that, it’s important to define “forgiveness.” Typically, when you consider “forgiving” your cheating partner, you have two things in your mind:

Break up with your cheating partner, and move on without ever looking back, but neither holding a grudge against your partner;
Forgive and accept your partner’s “mistake”, and attempt to rebuild the damaged relationship.

If you decided on the first option, then things have taken their natural course, and there isn’t much to be discussed. It’s a healthy choice, and nobody can blame you for it.

However, if you’re still considering the second option, there are things to keep in your mind before accepting your partner back. In order to reach a solid conclusion, you need to take a look at what happens to a relationship when cheating occurs, and why recovery might seem impossible.

Consequences of cheating in a relationship.

Here are some of the most severe consequences of cheating, and why forgiving your partner can be extremely difficult.

1. Loss of trust

The foundation of every healthy relationship is trust. That’s the pillar of everything you’re going to build upon from the moment you meet your significant other, until the very end. This “trust”, however, can be destroyed much faster than it was built. Cheating is brutal, and is blind to the length or seriousness of your relationship. No matter how many promises you made to each other, they won’t hold a candle when cheating happens. Being married, will not save you, either.

An example of a cheating sign consists of keeping secrets from your partner, such as: hiding text messages, hiding chats, locking folders, changing the screen-lock password, using secondary accounts on social media, etc. In some cases, these behaviors could’ve been “normal” if they were present from the start, but if your significant other starts indulging in such tactics out of the blue, then it’s an indirect way of admitting it.

The bottom line is, it’s not really about what’s being hidden, but the act itself. As a result, trust will be lost, and you’ll start to emotionally distance yourself from your partner instinctively. Things will get unpleasant, and suddenly your relationship will only inspire insecurity and suffocation. Even if there’s no cheating, all these mind games and emotional disturbances have already damaged your relationship.

Forgiving your partner is plausible if nothing happened, but a huge effort will be needed to restore what’s lost.

2. Changed feelings toward your partner

Whatever you knew about your partner is now questionable. All those pleasant memories and feelings between you two have burst like a bubble, and you’re definitely thinking that everything was a lie. This is normal, because your “perfect” and adorable partner now has changed to a suspect, and looks like somebody you don’t know.

The hard part, in this case, is discovering that your partner wasn’t cheating on you, but you’re still unable to get over it. There’s this disgusting feeling that you can’t simply shake off.

As they say, once the glass is cracked, you can’t fix it. That stands true for your relationship too. Therapy and redefining your feelings for each other might help you two overcome that challenge. However, as previously mentioned, when damage is already done, things are hard to repair.

3. No more future plans

Remember all those plans about you two “being every day together forever?” Remember you wanted to move in as a couple and later get married, have kids, and whatnot?

Yes, those can simply vanish in the face of infidelity. It takes only one ugly moment to wipe everything clean. Not just for the present, but for the future as well. Once doubt and loss of trust have settled in, it’ll be almost impossible to ever think about moving to the next “level” with your relationship.

4. Hurting friends and family

The cheating bomb fallout does not affect only you two, but the people around you as well. If things between you two have been quite serious, undoubtedly there are other family members, friends, or coworkers involved in it as well.

So, when everything falls apart, other relationships might be destroyed as a chain reaction to yours. Once you break up, your relations with his friends won’t be the same, and neither will he with your girlfriends.

Hence, it’s important to consider the well-being of someone dear to you when thinking about cheating or forgiving your partner.

5. Sabotaged future relationships

Assume that things didn’t work out, you didn’t forgive your partner, and you decided to go separate ways. Soon after, you’re probably trying to find a new partner.

However, the recent events did a number on your self-esteem and confidence, and even caused you post-traumatic stress. The consequences of infidelity are going to work against you in any future relationship, because the first thing that will come to your mind after meeting a new partner, is the misdeeds of the previous one. All those doubts, fears, and insecurities will be transferred to your next relationship if you haven’t recovered. On top of that, the whole process of finding someone, investing feelings, and building things from scratch all over again, might be too overwhelming. It could even make you steer away from relationships altogether. Trusting people would be hard, and your psyche would be brought to its lowest levels.

Conclusion

Considering the severity and the impact of cheating in a relationship, it makes little to no sense to forgive your unfaithful partner. It’s impossible to undo these horrible acts or wipe out the lingering negative thoughts and emotions. I have yet to meet a person who was cheated on, and could truly forgive his/her partner. Even the ones that claimed they did, broke up soon after.

Nevertheless, every relationship is unique, and it’d be very arrogant of me to assume that the impossible couldn’t be done. So, if you believe that you can leave behind all the wrongdoings of your partner, and honestly forgive her/him, then by all means, please do so. You’re the one who will decide it, and I wish you luck.

Did you experience such unfortunate events? Please, let us know in the comments.

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