14 most common causes of “dead bedrooms”

Lack of intimacy can be caused by many factors. Here are 14 of them!

Man in white T-shirt reading a book while his wife is reading phone messages dressed in a babydoll
Image by Sommox Sleep via Unsplash.com

Long-term couples are bound to face the “dead bedroom” problem. Here are 14 reasons why this happens.

If you’ve been in a long relationship or marriage, you may face the problem of a “dead bedroom.” Sometimes this issue can be easily fixed. Other times it might cause the demise of the relationship altogether. In this article, we’ll see which are the 14 most common causes of this.

1. Stress & pressure

stressed and tired woman in blue shirt sitting on her desk with her hands on her head

Stress is typically the no.1 culprit in almost every aspect of our lives. That includes sex.

Couples have to balance work, family, friends, and personal life 24/7. It’s not uncommon for a yelling boss or long commutes to disrupt your internal balance. This can completely shut down the mood for sex without you even realizing it. Men and women are equally affected by this. There is no exception to it, and it’s crucial to address this promptly. If left unchecked, it will permanently damage your relationship.

2. Body changes (sex appeal)

fat blonde woman feeling bad about her big belly

Those 32 kg (70 lbs) you gained in the last two years, might not sound like a massive… reason to kill the mood, but they can.

Men are affected more than women. A big part of their sex drive depends on their partner’s appearance. If you were a hot volley player when you met your man, and now you resemble a couch potato, he will notice. And when he does, that will kill the mood.

The same goes for men as well. That beer belly is not as sexy as a 6-pack. Nobody wants to be plowed by a dude that hasn’t seen his penis in two years. I guess it’s time for you to take a good look at yourself in the mirror. See what you can improve, and act accordingly. I know that lifting weights and running on a treadmill might feel tedious. But the rewards will be great in the long run.

3. Hormone changes

disappointed woman next to her man in bed

Hormone changes are critical in maintaining body functions. This includes a good sex mood. An unhealthy lifestyle, excessive body weight, or old age, can throw your hormones off balance. This will result in completely rendering you incapable of having a sexual appetite. Or simply it might not feel as good as before. Hence, you’ll need to check your hormones with your doctor, and decide the best course of action.

Erectile dysfunction is prominent in older men for the same reasons. It’s also the reason why senior couples end up in a “sexless marriage.” If the man isn’t up to the challenge, that will kill his confidence. An insecure man will lose interest in sex, unless he fixes his “manhood.”

4. Familiarity

friendzoned husband funny meme

Being together for a long time might bring a new level of familiarity in a couple. You’ve probably heard the following phrase before: “I see him as a brother”. Or even worse: “I see him as a good friend”. Your partner is not your sibling, and neither should be seen as such.

It’s imperative to distance yourself from this familiarity. You have to start acting like you two have just met. This will help you avoid taking your partner for granted and make you more sensitive to their satisfaction. If that doesn’t work, then try to recall how much effort you used to put into looking pretty before meeting up. Revitalizing those feelings might create the necessary trigger to start changing things for the better.

5. Sexual incompatibility

woman complaining to her man about his sexual performance in bed

New couples might not face sexual incompatibility since they’re still figuring each other out. The same thing cannot be said for long-term relationships and marriages. Give it enough time, and you’ll see that unfulfilled fantasies will come back to bite you by the neck.

The reason why we don’t fulfill our fantasies is primarily due to our partner rejecting them. It might be OK at first, but eventually, you’ll get bored of missionary or doggy. They aren’t enough to keep the “spark” lit. All those exciting stuff you always wanted to try will be coming up more than ever. No matter how much you’re fooling yourself, you want to know how they would feel.

At this point, the best thing you can do, is to communicate with them. Even if your partner shut you down in the past, it’s still a subject that has to be brought up. If things remain unresolved, then it’s probably best if the you two go separate ways.

6. Infidelity

man in bed texting to another woman while his wife is watching

Oh well, if you’re dipping your “fry” in someone else’s “sauce”, then by the time you arrive home, you’ll be already full. Jokes aside, infidelity is guaranteed to ruin your relationship. No matter what people say, there’s no comeback from cheating on your partner.

You’ll be invisible to your cheating partner, as they have other “things” to think about. Whatever efforts you’re putting to sexually attract them, you are just barking at the wrong door. Sometimes, the opposite can be true. A sudden increase in libido, can indicate unfaithfulness as well.

7. Mental issues

shouting offensive words to a woman with mental issues

Similar to having stress, mental issues can be disruptive too. Intrusive thoughts, lack of emotions, or other mental hang-ups can be detrimental to your sex life. On the other hand, medication can still kill your mood. Dealing with psychological issues is a hard job in itself. It barely leaves any room to cater sexually to your partner.

8. Medical conditions

man lying in medical bed is being checked by a doctor

Medical conditions, such as diabetes, heart conditions, obesity, etc. can severely impact your bedroom life. As previously mentioned, even on medication their effect is still present, and can greatly affect your libido.

You should always seek consultation with your doctor if you have such problems. Your partner should also show support until treatment pays off.

9. Lifestyle

drunk man in white shirt drinking a bottle and glass of whiskey

If you like staying late at night, drinking a bit too much, and overall neglecting your physical and mental needs, then you’re in deep trouble. As innocent as they may appear, lifestyle choices can affect your body. This, in turn, affects your sex life. Alcohol, tobacco, and insomnia will put your junk out of order. As we talked about, you need to seek medical assistance. Changes in your lifestyle will bring changes to your bedroom.

10. Children

Children annoying a working woman in the kitchen

Children have a huge impact on a couple’s sex life. Raising children feels like having to take care of many people simultaneously. It’s exhausting and stressful. Sometimes, you might even completely forget about your partner while taking care of your children. Don’t misunderstand me. In no way, I’m suggesting you shouldn’t have children. They are the miracle of life, and a reason for our existence. I’m just pointing out their significance in the relationship. Managing both aspects, will be a difficult task, and, usually, the children win.

11. Monotony

bored couple watching tv

You might be sexually compatible and have a sufficient sex drive, but things can turn boring quickly. If you both want sex, but it feels like a chore, maybe it’s time to try out new things. It doesn’t have to be something drastic. However, as long as you’re breaking the routine, you’ll see some significant improvement. Be extra careful if you decide to bring a third person into your relationship. It’s a risky move that can easily backfire.

12. Lack of communication

couple in bed watching their phones

It’s not the lack of talking to each other per se, but the inability to convey your needs and wants to your partner. If you never speak your mind, you’re never going to have a fulfilling sex life.

Frustration brings resentment towards your surroundings and your partner, and that’s not good for the relationship. How can you know what feels good for your partner if you never communicate? Try to improve that. Convey all your thoughts to your partner, while being a good listener at the same time. This will guarantee huge improvements. If it doesn’t work, then ask for help. A consulting specialist could do the trick.

13. Diet

glutonous bearded man with a belly eating pizza on the couch

All that junk food and all those beers are damaging your body and your mind. Your hormones are in disorder and you might find yourself in the diabetes realm soon enough. If you don’t want to experience the problems mentioned above, then stay away from junk food and excessive carbs. Eat healthily and exercise. There’s a good reason why everybody mentions those methods.

14. Abuse in the relationship

a tattooed man preparing his fist to punch a redhead woman

Perhaps this isn’t something that’s mentioned enough, but it’s equally important. Defective sex in the bedroom can be caused by negative feelings towards your partner. Resentment and hatred caused by physical or emotional abuse won’t amass into anything good.

If love isn’t in the equation, then things can’t progress any further. Make-up sex isn’t healthy or “hot”, as you might think. If that’s the only way you two get together, then you need to reevaluate your relationship and seek therapy.

What other causes of “dead bedroom” come to your mind? Please, let us know in the comments.

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