Why do “nice guys” fail the dating game if they are so nice? Here are the most common reasons.
Introduction
You’ve all probably heard the famous phrase “nice guys finish last.” You’ve also heard the self-proclaimed “nice guys” themselves complaining about how unfairly they have been treated by women despite their nice behavior towards them. Why being nice doesn’t yield any results? If you want to know the answer, you’ll have to pay attention to the quotation marks on “nice guys”, because that’s the key to your answer. So, let’s look into it step-by-step.
What do “nice guys” claim?
“Nice guys” claim that women mistreat them when it comes to romance. They state that they’ve either been taken advantage of, or completely disregarded as a potential erotic partner (AKA “friend-zoned”). Their argument is solely based on the concept that women should choose them instead of other men, just because they are nice compared to their competition.
However, just being nice is no argument to win over someone, and convince them to get involved long-term with you. Most of the time, claiming that you’re nice is generic and vague, and it’s mostly linked to the way they treat women, instead of being truly nice. Being nice for “nice guys” means: buying presents for women, being a gentleman, protecting them like white knights despite their behavior, respecting women at all costs, telling them they love them even if they don’t, opening the doors for them, etc.
As you have guessed, most of those gestures can be fake and superficial, and this is the greatest reason women aren’t attracted to “nice guys.” So, what do women really want?
What are “nice guys” really like, then?
“Nice guys” misconceptions evolve around placing women on a pedestal, and showering them with gifts, in order to win them over as erotic partners. This is, essentially, paying someone to be your partner, and it completely ignores the emotional aspects of the relationship. It’s also offensive and disrespectful, as it implies that providing goods to somebody, should convince them to like you.
On top of that, “nice guys” exhibit immaturity, anger management issues, lack of knowledge of human relations, and show a complete lack of consideration of others when they’re in the presence of a woman. They would simply sacrifice everyone around them for a woman they barely know.
Isn’t a nice guy what women want?
In general, yes. A loving and caring person is what every human being would want. However, in reality, women are more cautious about fairytales thanks to their insightful nature in social interactions. As previously mentioned, “nice guys” are only nice to the women they like, but not to other people. Secondly, their “niceness” has its limitations. For example, if they buy flowers for a girl they like, and she doesn’t appreciate it, they immediately turn hostile and start bitching about it. Another example is when the “nice guy” takes a woman to a fancy restaurant for a romantic dinner. He is sweet and attentive to her, but heavily criticizes the serving staff for minor mistakes. We’re starting to see now that “nice guys” aren’t really that nice. This quick turn from “nice” to “bitchy” is one of the main reasons why women dislike them.
What these guys also do is treat women like delicate flowers at all times. They’re overly sweet, and they constantly ask if she is OK. Women don’t like a touchy-feely guy or a guy that says “I love you” every 5 seconds in the first phase of a relationship. They also despise men who lack a backbone, such as men that would never disagree with them, not confront women for their misbehavior, or not be honest in fear of losing them. Women also hate men who beat the bush instead of directly telling them what they really want.
The last reason they dislike “nice guys” but like to keep them around is linked to a woman’s ego. If a woman can have all the benefits from a guy, such as presents and boundless attention, without having to give something in return, why would they miss that great opportunity? Women can also be selfish and manipulative as well, and when the right conditions are met, they would make a “nice guy” their personal pet as he’s a perfect candidate for that.
Why are “nice guys” like that?
The problems of “nice guys” can be attributed to their nurture and nature. Their behavior is definitely linked to their inherent personality, but also to the way they grew up. Sometimes they just lack experience, and are afraid to make bold moves. In modern society, it’s very common to live vicariously and your only friend being your computer monitor and your smartphone. Growing up secluded from society, will definitely rig your dating game, as you’ll lack all the necessary social skills to interact with women. Consequently, you will fail to read their body language and act accordingly. Women don’t like making things obvious, so the game for “nice guys” is on ‘hard mode’ from the start.
Hollywood and media misrepresentation of male-female role models can also have a great impact. I fell victim to that myself at some point in the past. Watching all those romantic movies now, just makes me realize how lame and unrealistic they are. Bad teachers will make for bad students.
How do we solve the “nice guy” problem?
What “nice guys” need to do is to get out more and establish some true connections with other people, including women. Socializing is important, because humans are social creatures, and as such, they need to develop their personality and social skills by interacting with their peers. Only then, they’ll be able to read women’s body language, and understand that gifting objects to women, won’t make them romantically attracted to them. Also, it’s important to appeal to women’s emotions, and not just become their beta provider. Women seek certain qualities in a man, and a “nice guy” is far from that.
It’s not that women are inherently seeking “bad boys” as partners, but these men are also the ones who won’t tolerate women’s attitudes, and will put them in their place if they’re being disrespectful. That radiates confidence, and that attracts women on all levels. Those guys are also the ones who will go for the “kill” without beating the bush. Gifting flowers and pretending to be nice pales compared to that.
Conclusion
Being “nice” and being truly nice are two entirely different things. Women want a genuinely good man that possesses multiple qualities, and not just an immature person that acts nice in order to win them over. It’s understood that this may not be exclusively the guys’ fault, but they still need to take a step back, change their way of thinking, and adapt to the real world.
What are your thoughts on “nice guys?”
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