How to stop living vicariously and become the protagonist in your life by doing these 7 simple things?
Living vicariously means experiencing joy or sadness through other people’s emotions. It can be your parents, your friends, or even worse, people on a TV show. The problem doesn’t lie in the concept itself; humans are social creatures and have empathy for each other, which makes them develop feelings even if they don’t know the person. The issue arises when this becomes the only way of expressing feelings and living your life.
Times have changed, and not always for the good. One of the disadvantages of living in this technological area of high consumerism, is that people have become extremely dependent on materialistic things, be it for pleasure or business. On top of that, the long working hours and the hectic routines have drained all of their energy and joy, and the only way of finding some relief is via “third parties”, so they can put the least effort possible to have a good time. It shouldn’t strike you as a surprise when you see kids as young as 3 years old holding a smartphone up to their face instead of playing outside with their peers.
As a result, for some people, living vicariously has subconsciously become their only way to experience life and emotions. They might have become just too introverted, busy, or socially inept to understand their position or even think about trying to change things for the best.
However, that’s not the healthy way. Below, I’ve outlined a few tips that will make you the one in charge of your own life. It might be scary at first, but I guarantee you that once things get going, you won’t want to stop.
7 easy steps to stop living a vicarious life:
1. Go for a walk
First, you need to see what the world outside your room looks like. So, turn off your TV or computer, and go outside. You don’t need a destination; you just need to get out of your apartment or house. Once that breeze gently rubs your face, and you hear the melodic sound of birds and trees waving, you’ll start feeling better for “no apparent” reason.
This can be easily explained, though. Being outside stimulates the primitive part of you of being in touch with nature. All those years of being indoors have dampened your senses and made you gloomy, without you ever realizing the simplicity of the cause. Normally, I would advise you to bring a friend with you, but this time, you should do it alone to give yourself some time to reflect and realize what you’ve been missing.
2. Socialize with people
You’d think you need to know people to talk with them, but what will you do if you don’t know anybody?
That’s right. You need to get to people to get acquainted with them. Start by initiating small conversations with strangers at your main activity points. Be it at a coffee shop, a bookstore, or even an electronics store. Make a simple and lighthearted comment about something you find interesting. Keep it relevant and respectful, but with a touch of friendliness. Most likely, you’ll get a response, and this is the way of getting to know people. If they don’t like it, no problem. There’s more than one person in your area to interact with, anyway.
3. Stop engaging in indoor activities
Watching a movie or playing a cool video game is great. You should do it from time to time. But, the pitfall of these activities is the excessive free time consumption and the inability to create some meaningful alternative activities that involve others.
Consuming media is attributed to addiction. This is linked to the emotions you develop when you watch, for example, a man getting the girl of his dreams, an anime character finally defeating his nemesis, a struggling person making it in life, a woman becoming a boss, etc. However, those are all unrelated to you. While your beloved characters have fulfilled their ambitions and become happy, the hole in your chest is still persisting, and you’ve accomplished nothing at the end of the day. Therefore, it’s time to do something about your own “movie”, right?
4. Make the impossible possible
Chances are, you are introverted, you lack confidence, and have low self-esteem, which creates even more insecurity. Probably, you’ve also chickened out from doing something when you saw an opportunity, such as going to a party. It could have also been a person you didn’t talk to, a girl you didn’t invite for a date, a job you didn’t apply for, or anything else that is probably still lingering in your thoughts. Assuming that you passed the previous steps, this should be easy to overcome.
So, try to be more open to opportunities, embrace your insecurities and your fears, and finally say “yes.” You are the one who will push yourself for the sake of yourself. Do you remember the Yes Man (2008) movie, where Carl (Jim Carrey) had to say “yes” to anything that crossed his path? It’s an extreme case, but it should give you some insight and help you see what must be done.
5. Accept failure
It’s OK to fail, as long as you understand its meaning, and it doesn’t become a lingering thought. There should always be some room for you to fail, retry and overcome. Let’s call that “continual improvement.” So, don’t get stuck up too much on the details, and definitely don’t be harsh on yourself. Overthinking won’t get you anywhere, and most likely nobody cares that much. So, brush it off and cheer up. Tomorrow is a new day.
6. Stop overthinking everything
Who’s better at injecting doubt into yourself than you? Most of the things that scare us are just in our heads. We tend to overthink things and make excuses to avoid them, thus missing out on every opportunity. Overthinking is like playing tennis against the wall. The harder you strike, the harder the ball is going to come at you. There’s no victory here. Sometimes, you just need to act first, and think later, because punishing yourself, is going to lead nowhere.
7. Get some vacations
If you’re one of those people who’s never taken any vacations because the boss said so, then you need to press hard on your brakes.
Stop what you’re doing, and demand your leave days. Your boss doesn’t really care about your well-being and would apply every known tactic to make you work as much as possible with minimum compensation. This way, you’ll have some free time for yourself to take on those hobbies you’ve always wanted to do, or simply go to the beach and enjoy nature. Don’t forget that if things get ugly, you’ll be fired on the spot and easily be replaced on the same day. So, don’t hold the company you are working for at a value higher than you.
In essence: stop being a corporate clown!
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